


more than most

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: M/M, The Song of Achilles - Freeform, patrochilles drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I would have loved him in the very fires of Hades, would have died in his place. I have loved him more than most, more than anyone.<br/>----------------------</p><p>a collection of ficlets based on the "things you said" list (tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. things you said that made me feel like shit

"You left me. You swore to me that you would not stray. You would carry my shield and ride in on a chariot and....," Achilles breaks off with his chest heaving.

Patroclus stands in between the living and the dead and he cannot speak. He can only watch as Achilles cradles his lifeless body and blames himself, blames Patroclus, blames every man who had ever fought alongside them.

"They will pay, I will make sure of it. They took you from me and so shall I take Hector from them," he grits his teeth and bright blue eyes flash with anger, hate.

"Do you remember Mount Pelion? I still have the carving you made me, I keep it on my body when I'm on the battlefield. I do this for you, I always have."

Patroclus reaches a hand out to comfort him and it meets thin air instead. He longs to see Achilles smile again. He remembers everything and it is a curse. It haunts him. He cannot touch him and it is a fate worse than death. 

Outside the war rages on and men pass by the tent, none stopping or daring to interrupt. It has been five days and still Achilles has not left his side. He speaks to him as if hes still there - and he is but he cannot show it. Bundles him in every blanket he can find until only his neck shoulders and head are exposed and sometimes, sometimes, he screams.

Achilles brushes his cheek with his fingertips and Patroclus longs to feel it, the tickle of a soft touch on his skin. He feels nothing. It feels like dying all over again.


	2. things you said under the stars and in the [sand]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changed grass to sand*

" _Katasterismoi,_ the constellations. Ursa minor. Arcas tried to kill his mother Callisto who Hera had turned into the form of a bear but Zeus made him a bear as well and placed them in the sky together."

Achilles points to the sky as he explains. I love it when he is like this but I cannot bring myself to focus. I can only think of bronzed legs stretched out next to mine, a head full of unruly blonde curls and baby blue eyes. He is looking at the stars and I am looking at him.

"Tell me another," I urge him to continue as he takes one hand in mine and holds it to his chest as he speaks.

"Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty. A monster named Typhon fell in love with her and pursued her while she and her son Eros were walking along the banks of the Euphrates River. The river nymphs transformed mother and son into fish in order to protect them, this is why they take the shape of a fish," he kisses my hand.

Thetis could not see them here, safe on the banks of Mount Pelion - where the rest of the world seemed to melt away until only they existed.

"I will not be remembered after my death, at least not in the sky," if it bothers him, Achilles does not show it.

I want to cover my ears, do not speak of death. I cannot bare it. Instead I put my head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart, we fall asleep on the sand and it gathers in our tunics and our shoes but it does not matter. I am with him. I would follow him anywhere.


	3. things you said too quietly

They are thirteen years old when Patroclus learns he will lose Achilles. They're in Achilles' room with Patroclus in his own bed to the side and Achilles in the larger one. It is after midnight but they're still awake.

"I am to be sent away," Achilles breaks the silence and Patroclus' heart lodges in his throat.

"When will you leave?,"  he asks and hopes that it is not soon.

"Tomorrow."

He had visited his mother yesterday and returned home bone weary and tired. He had not told Patroclus why and this time Patroclus did not ask how Thetis was. 

"Where will you go?," his voice is soft and he is silently pleading _stay. please stay._

"Skyros," Achilles murmurs and Patroclus can hardly hear him.

"Will you come with me?"

Patroclus had not expected to hear that. He had imagined having to walk away from Achilles all the while struggling to keep a straight face, never knowing when or if he would return.

"If you wish me to," Patroclus says with a smile.

They will be okay. They will be together.

 


	4. things you didn’t say at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thetis disguises Achilles as a female and sends him to Skyros to be married, the marriage results in a child. Patroclus is who he loves.

"I had no choice, Patroclus. You have to believe me, I would not have left you," Achilles is wearing a frilly pink dress that sways and pools at his feet. His blond curls are hidden away, tucked under a small bonnet.

Skyros. Achilles is married and his new bride is pregnant.

Patroclus' head is spinning and he cannot believe his own ears. He has lost him for good this time, he is sure of it.

"Patroclus." _Pat-tro-clus._ His name always sounds worthy and beautiful on Achilles' tongue.

He cannot speak, he fears that if he opens his mouth he will be sick. He runs a hand through chestnut hair and closes his eyes, struggles to stay grounded when the earth is shifting under his feet and all he can do is watch it swallow him up whole.

Achilles takes his hands in his own and kisses each palm.

"I have loved no other, only you. Always you," he pleads - big blue eyes staring into Patroclus' soul.

Patroclus says nothing, allows Achilles to touch him - to drift warm hands over his cheekbones, neck, collarbone and he sighs as he allows his head to fall back. He drinks Achilles in - even in a dress he is irresistible. He feels the need to stake his claim - to mark Achilles. He nudges him onto the bed and sucks and kisses his neck, nibbles and tastes. There is no need for words.

_Mine._


	5. things you said after you kissed me

They are nine years old when Patroclus first kisses Achilles. They had spent the afternoon alternating between swimming and lying on the hot sand.

He remembers it vividly. They were lying side by side in the dying light of the sun when he'd kissed him. Patroclus had leaned forward and pressed his lips to Achilles', his stomach immediately filled with butterflies. He was vaguely aware of the danger - of Thetis seeing them and taking her son away. He is aware that he is not worthy, he cannot even call himself the son of a king. He is nobodies child.

"I am sorry," he apologized and stared at the ground, rubbed pieces of sand between his fingertips.

Achilles did not speak but his eyes were wide, mouth hanging open before his brain caught up with what just happened.

"I have to go," he said as he took off running in the other direction leaving Patroclus feeling numb, empty.

It was a mistake and he knew it even as he closed his eyes and tasted the salt on Achilles' lip, lingered.

He had known and still he would do it again if he had the chance.


	6. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

"She cannot see us here," Achilles whispered as he watched Patroclus wash his hands before he came to bed. It had been years since the first cautious kiss and Achilles remembered every second of it. Recalled running the other way in fear. If Thetis were to see them then she would have taken Patroclus away. In the end she had sent Achilles to Mount Pelion to be taught by Chiron. She had not counted on Patroclus trailing after him. Where one went, the other followed.

Patroclus looks momentarily lost, as if he has forgotten how to use his hands. He drops the soap back into the basin and lies down beside of Patroclus. He does not speak. Achilles lies in the dark listening to him breathe, his skin tingles where they touch and in the small cot there is nowhere to go where they won't be touching one another.

When he is sure that Patroclus sleeps and has turned to face his back, Achilles flips over - his face mere inches from a wide awake Patroclus.

Without a word he puts his hand on Patroclus' face and pulls him in, presses his entire body up against his. He is burning inside.

Patroclus presses into him and timidly kisses, gently sucks on Achilles' bottom lip and outlines the curve of his ribs, his waist, his hipbones with his fingertips. Achilles climbs on top of him, blanket dropping to the floor as he does. He removes his tunic and feels Patroclus' gaze on his body. He is nearly shaking with need of him. When Patroclus rocks against him he nearly explodes. Hurriedly he removes Patroclus' tunic so there is nothing separating them. Back and forth, back and forth until they're sticky with one another. It was not awkward after, no apologies were needed as Patroclus falls asleep in his arms. 

He is so happy that he could eat the world raw.


End file.
